


Forever and Never

by zyxyeol



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 16:45:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11878656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zyxyeol/pseuds/zyxyeol
Summary: "You're the love of my life in every-single-one of my lifetimes."





	Forever and Never

**Author's Note:**

> Written 4/11/16  
> I edited this a little but it's still messily written. My mind moves faster than the rest of me.
> 
> Inspired by Equals
> 
> Listened to Epicurists - Jack in Water (whilst editing)

He fists his hands in the brown shirt that smells like warmth and summer nights, and buries his face into Chanyeol's chest. Turning it a shade darker with his wet tears. His choked sobs come out in quiet hitches of breath, the sound of his breathing erratic and uneven. He holds his breath and pretends he can't feel the wetness of Chanyeol's own tears on his neck, pretends that this isn't it. That they still have time, that they'll see each other again in this lifetime.

But He knows.

He's always known.

Known that Chanyeol was the one, knew since the night they sat on the roof laughing and holding hands.

He always knew that there was going to come the time that he'd have to wake up by himself, feelings of loneliness weighing him down so much he wouldn't be able to stand.

He knew that he'd go to the bathroom and see a toothbrush that wasn't his. Turn on the kettle and accidentally pull out two mugs. Make too much rice and sit in a seat with no one across from him. Go to work and come home to a quiet house. Collapse to the floor and sob himself further into the depression that would leave him hollow and fragmented.

He knew that he'd cry himself to sleep every night and drink too much. Knew that he'd wake up hungover and not go in to work. Knew that he would have to fight the urge to jump in front of the train that rattles his entire apartment as it goes past. Resist the urge hang himself on the noose he has hung up in his closet.

But even though Kyungsoo knew all of this, he'd struggle on, because out of all he knows, the most important thing he knew is that he'd see Chanyeol again, and the thought of leaving him lost being reborn, searching for him for eternity, was worse than death. 

So Kyungsoo would wait, wait until the day came where they'd bump into each other. Maybe in a grocery store or in the small music shop down the street. They'd smile at each other and make eye contact, but in Chanyeol's brown orbs there'd be no recognition. 

He'd always look the same, tall and lanky with legs too long and a smile too wide. But he was a different person, someone who'd lived a different life and had had different experiences, loved different people and made different mistakes.

Kyungsoo would politely apologise and they'd chat about something irrelevant and utterly random, they'd become friends, exchange numbers and soon become something more.

They'd have their "first" kiss, go on ridiculous dates and move in together.  
Then one day Kyungsoo would see something in Chanyeol's eyes, a knowing look while they're laying next to each other or eating, and he'd say "Kyungsoo" in a way that only a thousand years worth of love could sound like. 

They'd cry.  
Hold each other. 

Chanyeol would remember his past life and all the ones before that, they'd make love and spend hours mapping each other out with sweet kisses and soft caresses, lay together and whisper the pains of their battered, bruised souls aloud.

They'd shower together, the only sounds being the water against there skin and the patter of each others heartbeats. They'd stand under the spray for unnecessary amounts of time entwined and silent. 

When they'd get out Kyungsoo would try to cook something, but he'd keep looking over his shoulder to make sure 'yeol was still there, scared that the second he looked away he'd be gone again.  
He'd tell Chanyeol this, so he would wrap his arms around his waist and put his chin on his shoulder and watch him at work. 

Later when Kyungsoo would start crying he'd swear it was because of the onions that lay uncut on his chopping board. Chanyeol would laugh, kiss his neck and close his eyes to breath in Kyungsoo's scent. He'd whisper in Soo's ear that smells like rainforests and soap. 

They'd spend every second together, abandon the outside world and disregard every unnecessary expectation the world held for them, crying and laughing until they couldn't.

But somehow they'd end up like this again. 

Standing and sobbing, pleas of "don't go" and "I won't" echoing around them. The room almost as empty as the voids inside of them.

Chanyeol's time was up.  
Their time was up. 

Fate was a cruel jealous thing, forever placing them together to tear them apart. 

So they'd say there "I love you"'s and go there separate ways.

Even though it hurt more each time  
Kyungsoo would survive. He'd live and try to love because he knew, knew there would never be a happily ever after. But forever was better than never.

Right?

 

-end-


End file.
